"Run and don’t turn around. This guy is not for you." "This literally hurt my heart." "Throw this man out."
A new relationship test is going viral on TikTok; and, per usual, it's prompting passionate reactions and strong judgements in the comments − and experts say that's a problem.
The trend involves women filming themselves with their significant others and then casually referring to their boyfriends on camera as their husbands. The point of the trend? To see how the boyfriend reacts. If he lets it slide, it must mean he really loves her; however, if he corrects her and says he's not her husband, any supposed love between them must be a lie.
At least, that's what TikTokers seem to want to believe. In reality, psychologists say this test, like others that have come before it (remember the David Beckham test?), is bogus. Its popularity, however, highlights a deep desperation people have to validate and feel secure in their relationships, as well as how quickly we are to cast judgement on others.
"Essentially, there will always be popular discussions about divination: How do we get information that's not accessible to us?" says Erik Anderson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "The information that people are really desperate to get is, 'How do other people truly feel about me?' That's something that every human's concerned about, because it really does affect our wellbeing, and it's something that we're never going to get perfect information about."
The trend appears to have kicked off from a since-deleted video from TikTok user @kkenziegreene, in which she calls her boyfriend her husband only for him to immediately correct her.
Her boyfriend's swift response didn't jive well with commenters, who speculated it must signal he doesn't care about her or their relationship. Others have also started calling their boyfriends' "husband" and uploading their reactions for the internet to judge.
Some of the men in these videos seem delighted to get called husband. Others seem put off. Most just look confused.
But the bottom line is: No matter how these men react, the videos don't tell you anything about the health of their relationships.
"If you really think of it based on common sense, like psychological common sense, if I come out of context and say something to you that you didn't expect me to say, you will be startled," says Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist and author of the book "Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love." "You will say, 'Oh no, this is not true.' "
These videos lack context as well, psychotherapist Marni Feuerman adds. For instance, if a boyfriend doesn't want to be called a husband, that doesn't mean he isn't serious about his relationship. In fact, it could be just the opposite.
"There could be a lot going on for him that we just don't know or understand," she says. "It could be about him seeing marriage as a really important commitment to take seriously, so he's reacting negatively. Or it could be that he doesn't ever see himself getting married and doesn't want to ever be a husband."
The husband test really is nothing new. The orange peel theory, which also popped off on TikTok, claimed that if you ask your boyfriend to peel an orange for you and he complains, surely he doesn't love you. The bird test proposed that, if you say there's a beautiful bird outside and your significant other doesn't drop everything to look at it, clearly he doesn't care about your interests. The David Beckham test had people dancing near their significant others. If they didn't join in and dance, well, obviously they aren't in it for the long haul.
Feuerman says feeling like you need to do one of these tests in the first place is probably a bigger red flag than the outcome of the test itself.
"I'm always advocating for direct communication," she says. "If someone is feeling or thinking that they have to do some kind of a test, that is probably already a little concerning for the relationship."
So why does a new love test seem to go viral every month or so? Well, for starters, there's the entertainment factor − people have, and will always be, drawn to drama, or at least the possibility of it.
More:David and Victoria Beckham and how to (maybe) tell if your partner is in love with you
There also may be something deeper happening. Loneliness has become an epidemic. Toxic relationship discourse is everywhere. Anderson says tests like these highlight how common it's become for people to experience mistreatment, abandonment or betrayal in their relationships.
"This (trend) makes me sad," Anderson says. "It makes me think about how much the average person really struggles to determine whether someone is honest and trustworthy and caring and loving. And it makes me think about the many abusive relationships that the common person either gets into or finds themselves in."
It's tempting to try a quick test to see if someone really loves you. Like any other aspect of life, relationships, particularly new ones, come with uncertainty. Can you really blame TikTokers for trying to find some kind of answers, even if these answers are, ultimately, illusions?
If you feel insecure in your relationship, experts encourage you to investigate that feeling. Have an honest conversation about it with your partner. See how they react to that. It's not as quick or easy as a "husband" test, but it'll tell you a lot more.
"When we do a test like this, it's coming from some feeling or thought that we have inside of us, and I bet most people doing this test are not talking about that feeling or thought in an effective way," Anderson says. "It may be helpful to have a vulnerable conversation like, 'Hey, I was thinking of doing this test, because sometimes I worry you don't love me or you're not committed to me. How would it make you feel if I did that test? How does it make you feel to hear that sometimes I worry that you don't love me or don't care about me?' "
More:TikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree.
2024-12-25 12:102538 view
2024-12-25 12:052226 view
2024-12-25 12:012738 view
2024-12-25 11:05359 view
2024-12-25 10:37223 view
2024-12-25 09:571653 view
Diamonds are made under pressure, and Chiquis is ready to sparkle.The Mexican American singer-songwr
A dog walker was injured by a young mountain lion while protecting their pet on a California hiking
ARLINGTON, Texas – The defending champions in Houston were sent packing. The last great hope for the